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Today I Learned

  • The One Ring has been found in Canada

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    1 min read

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    The One Ring, is a singular, one-of-one Magic: The Gathering card introduced in The Lord of the Rings: Tales of Middle-earth set that launched on June 23rd. This whole LOTR/MTG quest for The One Ring has serious Willy Wonka vibes. Apparently, it’s already been graded and the ring bearer has already retained an attorney:

    Should the bearer of The One Ring choose to accept it, a reseller in Spain is offering more than $2 million, plus a trip to Europe, in exchange for the card. On Friday, a New York-based reseller called Dave & Adam’s had reportedly taken receipt of the card, but is not able to exceed its previously offered bounty of $1 million. The owner is accepting serious offers via its attorney through an email address, hello@thenotablegroup.com, which appears to be managed by a Canadian marketing firm.

    I have to say, it’s pretty sick to look at. Also, the Artifact’s abilities aren’t half-bad.

  • Call of Duty’s novel honey-pot anti-cheat employs hallucination decoys to unsuspecting cheaters

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    1 min read

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    Oli Welsh at Polygon writes:

    As explained in Team Ricochet’s latest blog, these hallucinations are decoy characters that can only be detected by cheaters, but are undetectable by legitimate players. To the cheaters, though, they look and behave like real players on the opposing team; they’re not AI characters, but clones of another active user in the match, mimicking that player’s movement. They also appear genuine to the cheat hardware and software being used, supplying the cheating player with all the illicit information they would expect.

    Not only do these hallucinations make the game unplayable for cheaters, but it also marks them with a Scarlet Letter. Richochet’s systems can then either ban these players or keep them in lobbies to test other anti-cheat measures on these unsuspecting losers.

    Even more deliciously, the hallucinations can be used to detect and verify cheaters. If Team Ricochet suspects a player of cheating, they can place a hallucination near them that’s only visible to their cheat tools. If the player then interacts with the cloned hallucination in any way, they’ve just “self-identified” as a cheater, in a poetic self-own.

  • A Brief History of Insults (and So’s Your Mother)

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    2 min read

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    Deb Amlen, writing for the New York Times

    Speaking of not taking criticism well, we would be remiss if we didn’t mention one of the most hostile “Oh yeah?” insults of the period. The Roman author Catullus’s poem “Carmen 16” was a response to two men, Furius and Aurelius, who were going around telling people that Catullus’s poetry was soft, a euphemism for effeminate. (This was considered an insult in those days.)

    Catullus, who had apparently woken up on the wrong side of the bed that morning, proceeded to let the men know in no uncertain terms that not only had they missed the point of his work, but that he was willing to inflict great bodily harm on them to prove it.

    The poem opens with a criminal threat that is so filthy and violent that it can’t be included here. And, humorously enough, his main point — after threatening the two men — was that sometimes softly rendered messages could be more erotic than openly prurient writing.

    “Carmen 16” is available online for those who are inclined to search for it.

    I am indeed inclined and then some! Translated from the Latin, here’s the hilarious and sexually hostile insult Catullus hurled at Furius and Aurelius:

    I will sodomize you and face-fuck you,

    bottom Aurelius and catamite Furius,

    you who think, because my poems

    are sensitive, that I have no shame.

    For it’s proper for a devoted poet to be moral

    himself, [but] in no way is it necessary for his poems.

    In point of fact, these have wit and charm,

    if they are sensitive and a little shameless,

    and can arouse an itch,

    and I don’t mean in boys, but in those hairy old men

    who can’t get it up.

    Because you’ve read my countless kisses,

    you think less of me as a man?

    I will sodomize you and face-fuck you.

    Dang! Catullus is ready to square up with Furius and Aurelius!

  • To Clean Your Grill, Just Grab an Onion

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    2 min read

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    Sam Stone for Bon Appetit writes:

    Thankfully, Bricia Lopez and Javier Cabral, authors of Asada, a new cookbook celebrating the expansive world of Mexican grilling, have a simple solution: an onion.

    Here’s their go-to method: To start, heat your grill to high (figure 450–550°). Getting the grate hot will partially do your work for you by burning off some of those clingers. Next, slice an onion in half—any kind will do, be it yellow, white, or red—but Lopez and Cabral recommend “the biggest, cheapest white onion you can find” since a larger onion will cover more surface area. Stab a large fork into the uncut side of the halved onion, then run it up and down the grate.

    This technique, dubbed a piece of “Mexican ingenuity” by Lopez and Cabral, uses the natural acids in the onion to loosen and remove bits of grease and pieces of char. Onions also contain a compound called allicin, the same chemical that brings you to tears when you’re chopping. This compound has antimicrobial properties that leave your grill spick-and-span.

    An absolutely fantastic suggestion for cleaning the grill.

    I’m reminded of my service industry days. We used to clean panini-press grills with a similar approach. The presses weren’t non-stick and while not as hot as outdoor grills, they’d still get filthy with carbon. We’d leave set the temperature as hot as possible and set some ice cubes in between the press. Then we’d turn off the presses. The heat would melt the cubes into boiling water and steam vapor would lift caked-on cheese, bread bits, carbon and anything else that got left burnt onto them. From here, it was pretty simple. Just let the heat dissipate and using steel wool to brush any remaining bits into the grease catch.

  • To read, is to evolve

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    1 min read

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    I’m not a speed-reader. I would say, I struggle to read more than 5 books a year. I buy more books than I’m able to read. That’s not a problem per se, just a matter of fact. Maybe one day I will get through all the books on my shelf. I wish I had the self-control and bandwidth to read more day to day. Shit, who doesn’t?

    Today, I came across this tweet, and I have no thoughts to offer up other than, she’s right.

    To read, is to evolve.

    Lot’s of good reads and thoughts from her Kao’s blog.

    Check it out here.

  • David Letterman’s Paper Monuments

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    1 min read

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    For the uninitiated, from 1982 to 2015 David Letterman played host to the Late Night with David Letterman. That’s 32 years. A long commitment to say the least. Most productions like these take the summers off, but apart from a short summer reprieve — running a continuous late-night series like Letterman took some real work. Taking stock of your labors can take many forms:

    For artists, it’s their sketchbooks.

    Writers, it’s their notebooks.

    Readers, it’s their libraries.

    For others, their Retweets? Their Github contributions?

    For Letterman, it was his paper cups.

    These paper monuments keep us going I suppose. Ephemeral things — a growing glory like that ivy plant in your apartment. Something to ponder.